Jared (calling on his cell phone telephone): I’m stopping by Publix. You want anything?
Me: What are you getting?
Jared: Printer paper. And chips, to eat with my sandwich.
Me: Oooh! Yes! Chips! And Brussels sprouts!
Jared: Ok … why do you want Brussels sprouts?
Me: Because I also want a sandwich. *eye roll* So get me salty chips, alright? Oh, it’s gonna be so good. Tomato, too, please!
Jared: So, chips, tomato, and … Brussels sprouts?
Me: Yep. I cannot wait for this sandwich.
We hang up, and 30 seconds pass. The phone rings again.
Jared: Are you sure you meant Brussels sprouts?
Me: Of course I am oh my god why won’t you just get me things to make a damn sandwich?
Jared: So, you do not want bean sprouts? You actually want Brussels sprouts?
Me: … Oh. Oh jeez. I … oh my god, I hate Brussels sprouts.
Jared: I know.
And then we both fell over laughing and I realized that I will always have to be married to him because someone else might actually bring me Brussels sprouts and, obviously, then I’d have to kill them. The end.